Monthly Archives: April 2014

The sun set way to quickly tonight. I make myself a cup of tea to prolong going to bed. A day filled with old religious movies and time with my kids. I can no longer say kids, they are teens, young adults. This year there was one basket instead of three. This year there was less candy ,but together we made cup cakes and cookies. I know if I go to sleep the joy of this holy weekend will end. Moments after I close my eyes ,even before sleep takes over, this day will become a memory. Easter 2014 will join the ranks of holidays past and find itself a spot tucked deep within my mind. Nothing special about this Easter, yet again nothing simple. Together in an unrushed state we shared our time. Joined in conversations of God and faith, views shared and views challenged. No comparison to the days of waking early to see what the Easter bunny had brought. No squeals over new Easter dresses. Moments of child filled Easter memories dance in and out of my mind as I place my now empty tea cup in the sink. I listen as the house begins to settle, no small children’s voices just the echos of three beautiful people preparing for bed. As I crawl into bed next to my husband I am ready to close my eyes and let the magic of sleep file this day away. I move closer to him as his warmth touches my ever chilled and always cold feet. In my heart I know that I can file today where it belongs for now it is a memory. My mind and my heart assure each other that when we awake that same beauty will be there. The faith expressed in my good night prayers gives me comfort in the fact that there would be many more dreams built together. Many more Easters to live and experience. May the blessings of faith bring you a wealth of health and happiness. Happy Easter….Land of Rose

Easter 2014

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She stood in a clearing nestled deep in the woods. Her beauty illuminated by the camp fire. Her dark hair dances in the wind as her deep brown eyes flicker in the reflection of the fire light. With pride she over sees her work, a job well done. This was one of the best fires she’d ever seen. The rocks all hand picked as the children played by the creek. Old tree stumps are quite naturally placed around the fire as if she herself, had placed them there and not an act of nature. The wind that causes her hair to dance now carries the scent of a stew. Wild carrots and potatoes mingle with the forest herbs to create a mouth watering scent. She looks towards the edge of the woods, between her and the woods stood a wagon train style circle of tents. In the distance she could hear her family and friends. The distant darkness is broken by wandering lights coming towards her. The nights silence is now echoing the chatter of those returning from the hunt. She can’t help but smile, for there in the deepest of woods was her family, her friends, what in totality ended up being her community. She sits cross leg on a mat she had woven by the fire. As she stirs the stew and pokes at the fire she can now see them. Singing and running they have returned. As with every time they are again amazed by her ability to build a home in the woods. With the moon bright in the sky and the tribe all having eaten, she pushes around the last embers of the fire. Soon the night air will echo snoring from the tents. The last of the campfire embers have died and the moon is now the only light. She to, now crawls in the tent making her way across the kids and next to her man. With arm around him she says her nightly prayer. She is thankful for all the gifts nature and God have given her. All things considered has time changed so much? Now can you tell me. Is this beautiful woman a Native American and her family are hunting buffalo centuries ago? Could she be a suburban house wife on vacation camping and hunting arrow heads. No matter, it just goes to show that for centuries women have gotten the job done. They have a spirit and fierceness that rivals time. For all the things that time has touched, I know this is one thing that will be eternal. A mothers love a woman’s fortitude……….Land of Rose

Camp fire beauty

A spring evening such as this is undescribable. The air is filled with just a touch of warmth and chill. My porch swing makes a methodical sound as it swings back and forth. There are two cats sitting perched on the picnic table, they seem annoyed by the squeak of the swing. Last year they would not have been so comfortable. Last year on spring evenings like this my home was guarded. My best friend lived in his house at the edge of the woods. Guardian of forest and yard. Not squirrel nor stray cat dare enter with out him heading out to defend his territory. Together we watched my children grow. He happily stood alert thru storms and child like party’s. Never did he voice a criticism or question my choices. I loved sharing this yard and my life with him. No matter what trials we charged thru he was there, always supportive, always strong. I could yell and he would listen. I could cry and he would comfort. I could rant and rave and be totally wrong yet never saw judgement in his eyes. Now as I rise from the swing and head to the woods I feel the loneliness. You know the feeling when memories drop you all to suddenly and your standing in the present. There may be a tear at the corner of my eye, as I stand by his empty home. Cob webs now look out at me instead of those beautiful brown eyes. The winters cold had kept me from standing here most of the winter. The sounds and signs of spring have awakened the need to see you. Today I will sit under our tree, I will talk as we always did. I will remember the kindness in your eyes when I was sad. I will remember that fierceness in your eyes when someone dared come to close. Your willingness to keep me safe. The trip down memory lane is filled with tears and smiles. Suddenly the cats jump and dart from the table. I to stand up and look to see what had startled them. As I looked around the tree line I could not see nor hear a thing. The cats however stared straight into the door way of his old home. As I brushed the leaves from my pants and a small tear from my eye. I started to walk back to the house and stumbled on something. When I looked down my heart skipped a beat. There by my foot was his little red ball, I looked around as I knew I had put them away when he passed. Many hours my friend, my companion, my dog and I had tossed his little red ball. A cool wind blew thru my hair as I bent to pickup the ball. A feeling of comfort came over me as I tossed it back towards his house. For mere seconds my mind of 49 years started to reason all the scenarios that could have caused that little red ball to get into my yard. Anything could have startled the cats. But suddenly I knew in my heart that it was him, though his journey changed and his path swayed from mine he was still here. His spirit and love did not cease with his last breath. His essence stays here and guards me still. Tonight I am comforted as I head into my house for the night. As I climb into bed I can hope that tomorrow I will again stumble on the little red ball just laying in the yard…………. Land of Rose

The Skipper

The wind chimes have danced out side all day, their tune wafting into the open window. Yes I said open, winters breeze may return tonight but for now it is spring in all its beauty. I have so waited for this day, there have been others this season but they were merely a tease. Today though I could through open the windows and release the thick air of winter from my home. There is a depression that some have thru the winters months. I feel it is not only the solitude of the winters temperature, but the stale air of holidays past. With all its healing glory the spring air pushes into the house. As if on wings it carries the smells of winters stale air out the window, there it looses itself in the sunlight. The spring air takes over and you automatically feel fresh and revived. Much like the all engulfing rays of a full moon the feeling breaths new life into you. Spring winds that carry a chorus of birds and wind chimes fuel your energy. Throw open your windows and breath in the newness and freshness that mother nature offers. Walk in the spring mornings light and gather wood for an evening fire. Return home and throw open all the windows as you putter around your day. As the sun sets you sit around the bon fire and roast an evening treat. Breath in the newness of the day, your day. Breath in the newness of spring and heal. Sleep in the fresh air that has engulfed your house and mind. Drift off knowing your spring is here, the air warm and comforting. Dream of the beauty this new season will bring… Land or Rose

In the typical Monday rush home from work I am half way there before I realize it. Into the house to talk to the teens and the chorus of cats, dogs and birds. Even the dragon waves from his cage. As I toss off my coat and slide out of my boots my mind enters second gear. One portion of my brain focused on the girls and the second reviewing making dinner, washing dishes and possibly a load of laundry. Once we have shared a quick review of “you won’t believe this” and guess what happened to me , I head to the restroom. In a rush I pass the bedroom, there he lays not long from getting home himself. T.V. on, partly dozing partly watching. I toss a smile as I close the bathroom door. Deed accomplished I step out of the restroom and pause at the bedroom door. I can’t help but feel good when I see him there, he looked so comfortable. It would be so easy to slip in beside him on this cool rainy evening. No, there’s dinner for the kids, dishes and the like. I know I’ll be upset if I don’t get things done. I turn and head to the kitchen, the rain soft on the window makes me pause. I know I hate getting off schedule, if I don’t do so much every night it will never get done. For a moment I stop to look out the window. When I looked at him just moments ago he seemed no different than the first moment I saw him years ago, my heart skipped a beat. Looking out into the rain filled spring evening I realize how many moments have passed since the first moment I knew that I loved him. Setting my tea on the counter I realize that I would have regrets if I got behind on my chores. Turning to head to the bedroom I knew that moments lost cleaning could be made up. Moments of lying in the arms of the person you love while a chilly spring rain tap dances on your window are irreplaceable. I slip in beside him as I call out left overs for dinner for anyone in ear shot. As the rain falls we doze and slightly listen to the news. Don’t trade precious moments for must do’s. A warm cuddle from child or spouse trumps a clean house every time. Left overs with the right people is better than a 5 star restaurant. Most importantly there’s always time to enjoy just being one of two, don’t waste moments build memories ! Land of Rose

Sleeping man

As the rain dances on the roof I am engrossed in natures symphony. Much like the scratchy sound of a 45 on an old record player, it engulfs me in comfort. In this world of ring tones and new alerts I cherish the internal warmth that it brings. With winters departure the sounds of spring create a chorus that sends me to nestle beneath a warm blanket. Hot tea in hand and the warmth of my husband beside me I listen. The birds call to each other amidst the sounds of rain drops riding the winds. I couldn’t tell you what is on T.V. as the moment is just tranquil. I find my eyes floating thru the most recent seed order catalog. Winter whispers a good bye song as spring pushes her out of the limelight. With rain drops and wind winter leaves us, the beauty of spring will soon take the stage. I have scorned the cold and snow of winter. Tucked here in my warm bed with sunny days so close I, for a minute feel the loss of winters beauty. With all the freezing cold there was still a beauty in it all. For all the annoyances, it is a season that brings out the good in people. With a deep breath and a sip of my tea I flip to the next page. I smile to my crazy old self in the realization that winter, like spring will return again in mother natures dance. With every changing season we will regret the losses and cherish the beauty. As in mother natures dance we will have our spot light, then move on for the next season to shine. So I will enjoy winters end and embrace the spring chorus that the birds will soon sing. I know that it is only natural , in our own lives we must embrace the changing seasons. Accept the changes and loss, and grow in the natural beauty that is our season, cherish their passing embrace their arrival !!…………. Land of Rose

Chores and lessons

If you only knew how angry you made me,why did I have to do it all? Every night as far back as I could remember standing on a chair beside you,  we did it all. Every meal cooked, every dish washed you had me pull up the chair to work with you. Every time you made dough for baking or your famous pecan pie I had to help. As a child it seemed so mean, why couldn’t my sisters do it, why couldn’t I just go out and play. How many times I felt the unfairness. In the eyes of the young lady I was I saw only a punishment. Thru the years as I grew and no longer needed the chair to keep up with you I found myself doing those chores as you worked on others.  Talking occasionally as we worked I still at times felt cheated, why couldn’t someone else do this . So what if I was the oldest girl, the others could help!  Now thru the eyes of a mother I can see , with all the things a mother does its hard to find time to play. Looking back I can see thru clouded memories how tired you were on those days. As my mind travels back I begin realize. No matter how long it took us to complete the jobs you were teaching me you still had more to do when we were done. I know now that it wasn’t a punishment but a loving lesson in life. For all those days that I once found to be terrible I now see as loving moments. There weren’t always the hugs that I dreamed of. There were no long talks and shopping trips,but there were precious moments spent teaching the strength of being a woman. Teaching me to cook and heal and nurture. There are not many moments of cuddling that I can recall. Maybe that explains a lot about me and how I walk this journey that is my life. I am not prone to hug and bond, I wouldn’t describe me as a huggy feely person. You and I never shared a conversation that wasn’t written on a note. But thru all those years and unrecognized love I have grown to be strong. Be proud of the strength and fortitude you instilled in me.  Coming into the 49th year of my life I realize and embrace the love that in those days I did not recognize. I have also come to see the look of disappointment in my daughters eyes as I ask them to help with something. As with a younger me  they see only a disruption in their life. I can see that they to wonder why someone else can’t do it because they personally view they contribute enough. With an old wrinkled smile I just move on, they were raised with hugs and the side by side teachings that can only be accomplished while ,with child like awe you stand on the chair and learn one hand and one heart to another. So tonight mom as I lay down to sleep , countless motherly chores done I will think of you. Like every night I will ask God to keep you safe. I will thank the lord for this day with my family and if it be his will I will ask for another. I hope as I finish my prayers I will drift to sleep with the loving memories of my child hood. Not a fairy tale of endless riches and happiness, but a novel of lessons learned, strength built and a love stronger than most! ………………Land of Rose