Chores and lessons

If you only knew how angry you made me,why did I have to do it all? Every night as far back as I could remember standing on a chair beside you,  we did it all. Every meal cooked, every dish washed you had me pull up the chair to work with you. Every time you made dough for baking or your famous pecan pie I had to help. As a child it seemed so mean, why couldn’t my sisters do it, why couldn’t I just go out and play. How many times I felt the unfairness. In the eyes of the young lady I was I saw only a punishment. Thru the years as I grew and no longer needed the chair to keep up with you I found myself doing those chores as you worked on others.  Talking occasionally as we worked I still at times felt cheated, why couldn’t someone else do this . So what if I was the oldest girl, the others could help!  Now thru the eyes of a mother I can see , with all the things a mother does its hard to find time to play. Looking back I can see thru clouded memories how tired you were on those days. As my mind travels back I begin realize. No matter how long it took us to complete the jobs you were teaching me you still had more to do when we were done. I know now that it wasn’t a punishment but a loving lesson in life. For all those days that I once found to be terrible I now see as loving moments. There weren’t always the hugs that I dreamed of. There were no long talks and shopping trips,but there were precious moments spent teaching the strength of being a woman. Teaching me to cook and heal and nurture. There are not many moments of cuddling that I can recall. Maybe that explains a lot about me and how I walk this journey that is my life. I am not prone to hug and bond, I wouldn’t describe me as a huggy feely person. You and I never shared a conversation that wasn’t written on a note. But thru all those years and unrecognized love I have grown to be strong. Be proud of the strength and fortitude you instilled in me.  Coming into the 49th year of my life I realize and embrace the love that in those days I did not recognize. I have also come to see the look of disappointment in my daughters eyes as I ask them to help with something. As with a younger me  they see only a disruption in their life. I can see that they to wonder why someone else can’t do it because they personally view they contribute enough. With an old wrinkled smile I just move on, they were raised with hugs and the side by side teachings that can only be accomplished while ,with child like awe you stand on the chair and learn one hand and one heart to another. So tonight mom as I lay down to sleep , countless motherly chores done I will think of you. Like every night I will ask God to keep you safe. I will thank the lord for this day with my family and if it be his will I will ask for another. I hope as I finish my prayers I will drift to sleep with the loving memories of my child hood. Not a fairy tale of endless riches and happiness, but a novel of lessons learned, strength built and a love stronger than most! ………………Land of Rose

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