I see her today,ending the day doing the last dish while yelling for the kids to get along. Those spotted wrinkled hands wring out the dish rag. She pushes the stray hair from her eyes,the color of what ever currently was on sale. Though dyed as often as possible is still remained speckled with timeless grey,and continually found its way from her pony tail to tickle her face. She looks tired, is she or is it just relief,glad to complete another day. Another day that she is thankful to have had. Readying herself to lay next to the only man she has ever loved. She finishes each day with her prayers for another day. She turns and I can see her better,there are no children just memories of them as they have all grown and moved on. They are now in their own kitchens readying their children for bed. She isn’t truly here she is but a light creeping thru the crack of memories door. As she turns and heads to bed it is memories alone that she sleeps with as he has been gone 13 years now. He was her strength, her half , her wholeness. There are still days that she rushes home from work to tell him a joke she had heard. Often unconscious to the reality that he is gone until she enters their home and is met not by his smile but by the endless silence. Much like when a person looses an arm or a leg there are days when you still feel it, like it was never torn from you. You know its gone but like a ghost you still sense it, feel it. A part of you still lives with it. She lives alone at night, we as her children cannot take his place, nothing can. Like his smell I will never forget the way my dad smelled,isn’t that odd. His voice has long slipped from my memory, but his scent will forever be there. What is it like for her,a love so strong so lasting. They were together forever yet not long at all!
As she goes to bed she hugs her pillow,she tells him of all the things that compiled her day. She talks to him for comfort. Sharing the minutes of her day are the only comfort she has. Talking to his memory is the only arms that will hold her. Once strong arms held her at night. Now memories encompass her as his arms used to. Comfort is found in knowing one day they would hold each other again. But for now she faces the night, she says her prayers she thanks the lord for the day she has had and asks that if it be his will she will see another day. All the while knowing that if the sun rose in the morning and her eyes did not open she would not be saddened. If she awoke in another place with the man she loved and her first born taken to soon she would be OK. She would miss us but to see him again to feel his arms not just the memory of, would be okay by her. This comforts her as she closes her eyes. A peace that is as comforting as it can be , as peaceful as her sleep can be her eyes close as she steps into his arms. As darkness closes she is hopeful that the sun will rise and her eyes will open not to the sunshine of a new day. They will peacefully open into a new journey that is walked within the arms of love. Where new and old memories become her reality………… Land of Rose WordPress.com / barkyrose.blog.com